Yesterday was dreamy in many ways. I had a peaceful spiritual retreat at The Potter's Place. I wandered around Walmart just because I could. I was sure I needed lots of things, but for most of the journey through the store I pushed an empty buggy. I came home with the main objective of cleaning my hard wood floors. I knew it would be a daunting task, so I allowed myself plenty of breaks and enjoyed catching up on several of my with-friends games. It was beautiful...
But I got lonely!!! Several times I caught myself wishing someone was around to ask me what I was thinking about. It was amazing to get lost in thought without kids' requests, distracting television conversations or working around others stuff strewn about my work space. I just had a lot going through my mind and because I am an extrovert who gets recharged by sharing my life with others it was challenging to keep my thoughts pent up inside my head all day.
I'm pretty sure it was the desire to share my thoughts with someone/anyone that sparked my desire to blog. Why share my thoughts with one or two or three close friends when I could document my thoughts here where I could share with the whole wide world!!! Oh my! What a freeing concept for this extrovert. So here I am world (or handful of friends who actually find this).
As I shared already, my job for yesterday was to clean the hardwood floors in our new home. They are beautiful and shiny and elegant even beneath my old, worn out, should-have-been-sent-to-the-thrift-store-furniture. I want them to look this beautiful until my children graduate high school. This is going to be my challenge... to care for floors like I never have before.
Here's the kicker... we don't own the house yet. We want to. We are working at it. We expect that it is the home God has for our children to develop memories that will feed hopes and dreams for the rest of their lives. We plan to invest in our children's character within the security of this home. BUT we don't yet own it.
It has been challenging to rent a home month-to-month while going through the purchase process. It is emotional and taxing. It is not ideal in many ways and in many ways it hurts our hearts to think that it may not work out, that it may fall through, or that we could have been better off moving into the 2 bedroom apartment during the process. Alas, here we are... learning about the home, living in the home, getting comfortable in the home, caring for the home as if it IS our own and trusting all the while that God has a plan that will come to fruition. There are many things we have done already to improve the home. We have done some cleaning that it seems may not have been done in years. We have planned color palettes and furniture and pinterest projects that will start rolling as soon as the papers are signed.
However, it dawned on me yesterday while cleaning the beautiful hardwood floors that we essentially are "fostering" this home. We for all intents and purposes were called to love this home and nurture it as if it was our own for as long as we get to call it ours. Of course, it is more of a "foster to adopt" sort of situation for us. We have every intention of committing to this home forever. But when the dust settles, we have been reminded over and over again, this home does not belong to us. We have been called to care for it while we wait to see if it will be ours to love and nurture for the next 15 years.
Perhaps its a bit too emotional of a way to think about a home. I am sure we could work together to compile a list of ways this is not even close to a "foster to adopt" situation. I don't doubt that when there is a living, breathing child involved the pains and stress and difficulty in making decisions is exponentially more difficult. For these next few weeks, however, I feel better making emotional comparisons. I feel better being able to understand why the process is so stressful sometimes. I feel better knowing that there is a good reason I have not yet washed the very dirty windows. I feel better knowing that once the papers are signed and this "foster home" is officially ours forever and ever that we will begin celebrating by going hog wild with the changes that will finally make it look like it belongs to us.
To say I'm ready to celebrate will be an understatment. I am beyond ready. I was ready the day I visited the house for the first time. I was ready when we moved in. I was ready when my children decided on colors and themes for their rooms. I was ready when my mom came to visit. I was ready when we thought we would be closing by December 17th. I was ready when I lovingly buffed the hardwood floors yesterday. I am ready now as I share all these thoughts with you. I will be ready whenever signing day comes. And I will be okay if our "fostering" comes to an end and we have to move on and transform our dreams to another home. Because...
"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11